I have the great honor of attending to my queen twice daily; once when
she wakes, and then when she retires. I am the maidservant who folds down
her sheets, brings her breakfast, and occasionally provides a word of
advice, when requested to do so. In such a position, I am uniquely able to
see what few others know; that our royal highness has been stricken with a
terrible case of melancholy, a serious loss of spirit.
Her demeanor appears in its truest form when she wakes; a beautiful face so
terribly drawn and pale that I barely recognize her. After a cocktail of
concealing creams and colors to brighten eyes and falsify smiles, she
marches proudly off to govern. She holds her head high, bless her, with
years of regal breeding; I'm sure her father, one year gone this spring,
would have been proud. But then at night, once she washes off the layers,
her true face returns stronger than before. It is a face of weariness, of
sorrow, of missed chances, and of consuming regret.
It seems that everyone ignores the way she often stands at east-bound
windows, watching the road trailing from the ocean with a wistful
expression, or the way tired skin crinkles at the edges of her sparkless
eyes. Her advisors are heartless men who make fun when her mind drifts away
and comment harshly on her worn appearance. I am thankful she is a stubborn
girl, for she gets them back to their business quickly. She is trying so
very hard to be a good queen, despite it all. Still, in all my forty years,
I have never witnessed such a pitiful sight as that evening transformation.
In mere minutes she slips from stunning to miserable, pining for something
she can hold no longer, her youthful aspirations dampened by an ascension
that came too early.
I know what brought on her melancholy; the source is not hard to see. Four
months ago the ocean stole something very precious to her. Its churning
waves carried away a dear friend with an irrepressible spirit, one who
longed to voyage past the bounds of Hylian authority, into the wild world
beyond our shores. I like to believe she begged him to stay, but he could
not be chained.
Tonight, as I turn back her bedsheets and fluff her pillows, she is staring
blankly into her mirror and applying her nightly lotions. Her face holds a
strange expression, and I am pleased to note that there is some color in her
cheeks today. Then I realize the face in the mirror is watching me.
"Thank you, Luila," she says as I finish, her voice meek and
gentle. She smiles weakly at my reflection in her mirror.
"Welcome, Milady. I see your smile has returned?"
Her highness seems amused. "I have word from the kingdom of Aurtan.
Someone has spoken with Link," Zelda breathlessly says, her fingers
smoothing a sheet of parchment. "I am so very relieved. He is alive, at
least. Glory be."
"It must be a great relief to you," I admit, thrilled to hear the
news.
"Oh, it is! It is." She fingers her necklace absently as she
rereads the parchment, reassuring herself with the words written there and
smiling inwardly.
"Did he include a note or word of greeting?" I wonder aloud. I did
not expect her face to darken, nor her eyes to lose their glittering
happiness. "He won't," she speaks resolutely, placing the letter
face down on her bureau and standing. She postures strongly before the
mirror and violently straightens the bodice of her gown. "We parted
angrily."
"That's so very sad," I say ruefully, feeling low.
"I...I didn't want him to go!" There is an edge of indignance in
her voice that I'm sure is not directed toward me. "I wanted him to
stay here, to...he wasn't supposed to go!" Angry tears, unbridled, fall
toward her chin, and no amount of breeding keeps her from stomping her foot.
I suddenly see my queen as the young girl she is, growing into emotions she
has not yet learned to grasp.
"Is there no chance that he might...."
"No!" she cries. "He has a wandering soul, too far removed
from here." Zelda looks away and clenches her fists. "Curse his
wanderlust!"
I regret seeing her so terribly upset, but I know it to be cathartic. As she
drifts past me to the balcony, her tearstained face glistening in the
moonlight, I try to remember how love felt at fifteen; the desperation,
innocent passion, misinterpretation, and confusion. As her balcony doors
open, I realize that it is raining, and my instant reaction is to call her
back inside, lest she catch cold.
"Oh, curse his wanderlust!" she repeats as the rain soaks through
her. "Curse his pride! Is the ocean so vast that he cannot cross it
once more...." But now she falls silent, bracing herself stiff-armed on
the balcony and staring off at the horizon again.
"No, curse my pride instead," she whispers, bowing her head.
"It was my pride that sent him away; my pride, not his."
"Milady, surely...." I stand in the doorway and prepare to draw
her back inside. She brushes wild dripping curls from her face and wipes
wetness from her cheeks.
"If I could bridge the ocean," she says shakily, "or span the
wild seas, I would not hesitate to do so, if only it would show him the way
home." A swift breeze pushes her back, and I see her grip on the
balcony railing tighten. The rain will soon be gusting into a full-blown
thunderstorm, but it does not deter her from speaking her mind. "I have
cried enough tears," she shouts against the wind, "to fill up
every valley and sighed enough sighs to fill his sails. I would command the
land itself to send him back to me, if only to explain that I was scared, I
was desperate, I never meant to say those things...he wasn't supposed to
go!"
The princess suddenly doubles over into wracking sobs. I start when she
begins coughing, bending herself over the dripping railing with their
severity as flashes of lightning begin to spark in the distance. It is a
frightening sight. I try to take her arm, to lead her away from the edge in
fear that she will slip and fall over, but she resists. She requests that I
leave for the night, so I turn and obey her wishes. I have not yet reached
her door before I hear her speak again, though the words were not to me.
"How long must I wait here, Link, grounded like a child?" Then,
angrily, "Why couldn't I have come with you?"
I expect to see her sullenness return in full by the morning, but I am
surprised to find her strangely apathetic. She smiles at my entrance, eats
her breakfast silently, and dresses while humming to herself, though I do
not know the tune.
"Did you sleep well, Luila?" she asks me, finishing off a piece of
toasted bread while waiting for her curling stick to heat up in the coals of
her fireplace.
"Yes, quite. Are you feeling well today? No cold?"
"For the time being, no." She smiles sheepishly at me. "That
was silly of me, wasn't it? Standing in the rain like that, a thunderstorm,
no less."
"I did fear for your health, Milady."
After wiping her mouth daintily with a napkin, she stands from her breakfast
table and I clear away her dishes while she puts on the top layers of her
gown before her bureau mirror.
"I had an epiphany last night," she says, attempting to fasten the
buttons of her dress's tight bodice. Once the dishes are cleared away, I
finish the buttons she could not reach. "I have decided that I will not
let his absence deter me from my duty another day. I will smile, I will
laugh, and I will make everyone see that I am strong! I am!" She tests
a confident smile in the mirror, and I chuckle at her eagerness.
"...But it is a rather nice concept, is it not? To bridge the ocean, to
bring all those other worlds closer to us? So we could learn of their
cultures, and visit their lands. It's fascinating, I think."
"Perhaps there is a touch of wanderlust in you, also," I muse.
"Perhaps." She is thoughtful for a moment. "But my spirit is
chained."
"How so?" I ask, moving on to straighten the bustle in her skirt.
In response she reaches to the velvet-covered pillow and lifts her tiara,
then waves it in the air at me.
"This restrains me. It is like an iron leash." She regards the
golden crown with disgust.
"I'm sure the kingdom would have no problem with you doing a little
traveling...."
"...but not with him," she says solemnly, and I understand
everything.
"Was that why...," I start, but do not know how to finish.
"Link wanted to see the world...and wanted me to share it with
him." She smiles sadly. "It was a spontaneous thing, and I
promised I would go, but papa wasn't pleased. After papa...after that, I was
faced with so many new responsibilities. I begged Link to wait for me, but
he knew our trip would never come. He knew I would never find the
opportunity to go again."
"And so he left without you?" I say incredulously, reaching for
her curl-stick from the coals with a thick cloth to protect my fingers.
"He left bearing a hundred lashes from my tongue," she regrets.
"I was furious, I was upset, I was tired. I honestly believed he was in
the wrong. And believe me, I wasted no time in telling him so."
"How did he respond?"
"He said I was being irrational."
"And were you?" I ask honestly, curling a lock of hair. She is
silent for a long moment.
"I think I was."
I do not agree, but no other answer is needed; she is quite determined to
place the blame on herself. I finish her hair in silence, unwilling to anger
my Queen by offering my own assessment of the situation.
"He said he might return, someday," she murmurs thoughtfully.
"But I don't think he will...."
All I can do is pat her shoulders and smile encouragingly, then send her off
to face another day of governing. Perhaps some day she will bridge the ocean
and unite peoples from around the world. Perhaps some day I will know the
whole story, and will better understand what was said to create such
resentment between herself and that boy. Perhaps some day she will build her
bridge to span the sea and bring him home. But truth be told, if that bridge
is built, I believe she will have to build it alone.